I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
