Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
