Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
