im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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