No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
