I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
