Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
