so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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