I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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