Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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