i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
