i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
