I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
