How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
