I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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