There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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