i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
