As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she told me i tasted like america
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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