You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
