hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
