mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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