There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
