found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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