I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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