My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
