hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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