hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
porn star boner night. come get it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
