She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
