i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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