About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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