she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
