You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
