it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm