Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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