he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
