Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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