what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
