dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
