Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ass is underappreciated
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
