my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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