i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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