In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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