I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
