Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
