9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
