he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
