i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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