just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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