3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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