census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you will always have a special place in my vag
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
