apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
