just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
