420 ftw
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
