She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
