It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
