The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
