I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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