you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
