I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
