Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
