I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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