It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
