we're blogging at a bar
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
