i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
soo... how was my night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
