i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
