If that was your dad, he is hot
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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