my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sober January is a disaster.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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