Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
