Do you still have your period?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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