I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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