Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
