you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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