i was born a porn star she said
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize