My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
