If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
