I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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