office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will be naked everywhere
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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